African American History Month Feb. 1-28
Started in 1926, call 301-587-5900.
Change You Password Day Feb. 1-28
Spunky Old Broads Month February 1-28
Sponsored by Gayle Carson as an ode to all women over 50 who live a regret free life. And yes…she has a website. www.spunkyoldbroad.com
National Weddings Month February 1-28
Car Insurance First Issued February 1, 1898
Decorating With Candy Day February 1
Why? Why not? Chocolate? Good. Marshmallows? Good. Licorice? Good. www.wilton.com
American Heart Month February 1-28
Sponsored by the American Heart Association. 800-AHA-USA1.
G.I. Joe Introduced February 1, 1964
I don’t want to be all “I’m so much cooler than you” but I had the one with the space capsule.
Greensboro Sit-In Feb. 1, 1960
One of the pivotal events in the civil rights movement. Occurred at a “whites only” lunchcounter in a Woolworths in North Carolina.
National Mend A Broken Heart Month February 1-28
A month that focuses on abused and neglected children. www.mystuffbags.org
International Boost Self-Esteem Month February 1-28
I’m talented. I’m funny. And gosh darn it, people like me. This is a month to focus on nurturing and cultivating self-esteem to help beat the winter blahs.
National Condom Month February 1-28
National Teen Dating Violence Awareness & Prevention Month February 1-28
“Late Night With David Letterman” Premieres Feb. 1, 1982
Bake For Family Fun Month February 1-28
It’s fun, it’s healthy and it’s saves money says Charlene Patton of Topeka, Kansas, a community known for lunatic fringe rightwing conservative hate groups. www.homebaking.org
National Sign-up For Summer Camp Month February 1-28
Sign up your stunt guy for cheerleading camp. Make sure his application has lots of inquiries about sleeping arrangements, group showers and pajama parties. Call the American Camping Association at 765-342-8456.
National Pet Dental Month Feb. 1-28
Nothing like flossing a Rottweiler for some good morning hijinks™. www.petdental.com
Edible Months Feb. 1-28
Fabulous Florida Strawberry www.flastrawberry.com
Hot Breakfast Month
Hula In The Coola Day February 1
I don’t know. I just don’t know. Something about beating the winter blahs by shedding your heavy coat and doing the hula. Go to www.iparty.com
Spay/Neuter Month February 1-28
A nationwide campaign to end the tragedy of pet overpopulation. Might be the day for your morning guy to get his on-air vasectomy. www.worldspayday.org
Space Shuttle Columbia Disaster February 1, 2003
Return Shopping Carts To The Supermarket Month February 1-28
Anthony Dinolfo, a retired grocer, is just one missing cart away from snapping and going up in a tower with a rifle. Don’t get him started on the subject of people who walk off with carts, bread trays, icecream baskets and milk crates. 815-463-9136.
Library Lovers Month Feb. 1-28
Lisa Marie Presley Turns 50!! And Pauly Shore Turns 48!! February 1
Working Naked Day February 2
Sadly this has nothing to do with Commando Fridays at the CPR World Headquarters on the 33rd floor of the spacious Grange Building in downtown Scandia. It’s about “working at home stripped of the resources that millions take for granted in the traditional corporate workplace.” I like mine better.www.workingnaked.net
Bubble Gum Day February 2
Just be sure to bring enough for the rest of the staff. www.bubblegumday.com
Groundhog Day February 2
Hedgehog Day February 2
Not an ode to Ron Jeremy but the ancient Roman’s watched hedgehogs looking for their shadow. What if you got Ron Jeremy to crawl out of a manhole…
Ice Cream For Breakfast Day Feb. 3
Take Your Child To The Library Day February 3
Morgan Fairchild Turns 68!! And Maura Tierney Turns 53!!! February 3
Facebook Launches February 4, 2004
USO Founded 77th Anniversary February 4
World Cancer Day February 4
Popcorn Day February 4
Super Bowl LII February 4
Dump Your Significant Jerk Day February 5
Marcus Melton designates this as the date to throw out the old jerk and start fresh for the new year. This is the 17th annual celebration of disposing of evil ex’s. Call Marcus at 949-413-3052.
Weatherman’s (person’s) Day February 5
Commemorates the birth of John Jeffries, America’s first weatherman.
National School Counseling Week Feb. 5-9
One of my favorite ex-Traffic Directors is now a middle school counselor. Oh…the stories. www.schoolcounselor.org
Shower With A Friend Day February 5
Christopher Guest Turns 70!! And Laura Linney Turns 54!! February 5
Safer Internet Day February 6
Canadian Maple Syrup Day February 6
Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day February 7
I suspect that the Roy’s neighbors wave their middle finger at them at every opportunity. Call 717-279-0184.
Solo Diners Eat Out Week Feb. 7-12
It’s Monday; everything sounds dirty to me. This is the week to go and enjoy a nice meal by yourself. For more fun, freak out the happy patrons around you by mumbling angrily to yourself about “the damn government” and occasionally bursting into sobs. Call Marya at 760-720-1060 or go to www.solodining.com
Ballet Introduced To The U.S. Feb. 7, 1827
“America’s Most Wanted” TV Premiere Feb. 7, 1988
I loved that one episode where he got angry and jabbed his finger at the camera.
Laugh And Get Rich Day February 8
Rick Segal sees a tie-in between happy workers and a healthy profit. Call him at 781-272-9995.
Winter Olympics February 9-25
54th Anniversary Of The Beatles On The Ed Sullivan Show February 9
Carnival in Brazil February 9
Pizza Day February 9
Bagel Day February 9
Read In The Bathtub Day February 9
A day dedicated to just sitting in the tub and reading. And yes, they even have a Facebook group.
Mena Suvari Turns 39!! And Shakira Turns 41!! February 9
Get Out Your Guitar Day February 11
Get it out, play it, strum it, plunk it, smash it. [email protected]
Man Day February 11
A day to celebrate men. (I have no idea; I just take this stuff out of Chases.)(And don’t forget that Tuesday is Soylent Green Day.) Call C. Daniel Rhodes at 205-908-6781.
Satisfied Staying Single Day February 11
A day for everyone who is single and sick of being asked when they’re going to get married, to thumb their noses at us all and announce their pride at living alone in a one room efficiency, reheating Chef Boyardee on a hot plate and praying that maybe the Jehovah’s will knock on their door tonight. Call the Roys at 717-279-0184.
National Shut-In Visitation Day Feb. 11
Pro Sports Wives Day Feb. 11
Honors their contributions and public service…while their husbands are on the road, enjoying quality time with fans. www.prosportswives.com (ask nicely and I’ll tell you about my flight from Miami to SFO, sitting behind Shaq.)
Jello Week In Utah Feb. 11-17
Proving once again that politicians can be bought, the Utah Legislature voted “jello” the Official Snack Food of the State of Utah. Call Nora Bertucci with Hunter Public Relations in NYC who got this designation slammed through the State House in Provo. (It was attached to a bill designating Avocado as the official state Refrigerator Color). Call Nora at 212-679-6600.
Random Acts Of Kindness Week Feb. 11-17
Anonymous,public, digital, at schools, at work, at home, wherever. www.randonactsofkindness.org
International Flirting Week Feb. 11-17
Robin Gorman Newman bills herself as a Love Coach and has multiple tips and suggestions for breaking the ice and creating some social intercourse; ie: flirting. Apparently “haba haba ding ding, baby you’re got everything!” is not high on her list of opening lines. 516-773-0911.
Jennifer Anniston Turns 49!! And Tina Louise Turns 84!!! February 11
National Pancake Week Feb. 12-17
General Mills’ attempt to whore in on Shrove Tuesday
NAACP Founded February 12, 1909
Love A Mensch Week February 12-18
Chynna Phillips Turns 50!!! And Christina Ricci Turns 38!!! February 12
Desperation Day February 13 (From “How I Met Your Mother”)
Mardi Gras February 13
National Wingman’s Day February 13
Always a wingee, never the wing.
Madly In Love With Me Day February 13
I’m just going to type this verbatim: “A day that inspires women and girls to say ‘Yes!’ to falling madly in love with themselves again and again for the rest of their lives. The day before Valentines Day because you have to love ‘me’ before you can love ‘we’.” Mongo just pawn in game of life.www.madlyinlovewithme.com
Get A Different Name Day February 13
“Paige Nienaber” is already taken. How about “Richmond Crinkley”? Call 717-279-0184.
Extraterrestrial Culture Day in New Mexico February 13
Passed as a memorial by the state legislature to honor that state’s recognition as a nexus of UFO sightings. (if this was done in Minnesota, there would be a parade, craft show and pageant, followed by coffee, fellowship and bars in the church basement)
David Naughton Turns 69!!! February 13
Safer Internet Day February 14
Ferris Wheel Day February 14
Anniversary of the birth of the inventor of the ferris wheel. Hmmm…Valentines Day. Ferris wheels. What kind of mayhem could we perpetrate mixing the two?
Women’s Heart Day/Go Red Day Feb. 14
Calls attention to heart disease, the #1 killer of women and totally unrelated to the above thing about broken hearts. https://www.goredforwomen.org/
Valentines Day February 14
Do not forget. I did. In 1999. I think it will be 2999 before she stops reminding me of it.
National Donor Day February 14
On a date that celebrates love, give the ultimate gift and sign up to be an organ doner. www.organdonor.gov/get_involved/nationaldonorday.htm
Zach Galligan Turns 54!!! February 14
Great Backyard Bird Count February 16-19
Thousands of volunteers nationwide help the Audubon Society track and count birds in their neighborhoods. www.audubon.org
Bun Day in Iceland February 16
On Shrove Monday, “children invade homes with colorful sticks and receive gifts of cream filled buns”. I couldn’t make this up.
Lou Diamond Phillips Turns 56 and Paris Hilton Turns 37!!! February 17
NBA Allstar Game February 18 (Los Angeles)
Presidents Day February 19
Justine Bateman Turns 52!! February 19
Closest Approach Of A Comet To Earth Feb. 20, 1491
Missed us/them by 860,000. In comparison, the closest Haley’s comet has ever come was 3,000,000 miles.
Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day February 20
The Roys, who are clearly off their meds, encourage everyone to go outside at 12 noon and shout “Hoodie hoo!” to chase away the winter blues. Ignore them. They’ll go away. 717-279-0184..
Christopher Atkins Turns 57!! And Jennifer Love Hewitt Turns 39!! February 21
Miracle On Ice 38th Anniversary February 22, 1980
National Chili Day February 22
The dead of Winter is about right for this celebration of hot spicy food. But what about T-Boz? Call Doug Welsh at 703-608-7725.
Paul Dooley Turns 90!!! February 22
National Dog Biscuit Day February 23
Single Tasking Day February 23
Ground War Against Iraq Begins February 23, 1991
Curling Is Cool Day February 23
You have to be from Minnesota or Canada to know what I’m talking about. But it involves giant pucks and brooms. 717-279-0184.
Introduce A Girl To Engineering Day Feb. 24
Has nothing to do with helping your engineer get some, nor is it some kind of adult website. But it should be. Call 703-684-2852.
Open That Bottle Night February 24
Been sitting on a bottle of wine, waiting for a special occasion that never comes. Crack it open, put on COPS and enjoy. Email Dorothy Gaiter, a wine snob from the Wall Street Journal at [email protected]
International Sword Swallowers Day February 24
I literally passed Diet Coke out my nose when I read the description in Chases: “Sword swallowers have been risking their lives for 4000 years! Today we recognize this ancient art still being carried on by a few dozen surviving practitioners”. I think you need to run this by legal, just as a joke. Listeners swallowing swords for prizes. Just to see if they actually look at the stuff you send them.www.swordswallow.org
Rupert Holmes Turns 71!!! And Abe Vigoda Turns 97!!! February 24
World Bartender Day February 24
National Eating Disorders Week February 25 – March3
Tea Leoni Turns 52!!! February 25
National Personal Chef Day February 26
FCC Created February 26, 1934
World Trade Center Bombing February 26, 1993
Daytona 500 February 26
For Pete’s Sake Day February 26
Honoring Petes and Peters everywhere. 717-279-0184.
World Spay Day February 27
If you are a pet person, an animal lover, a doggie advocate, this is something to hit on. www.worldspayday.org
Howard Hesseman Turns 78!!! February 27
National Tooth Fairy Day February 28
A day to celebrate lying to our children. www.toothfairyday.com A Spleen Fairy? That would get my attention.
Inconvenience Yourself Day February 28
A day to put others ahead of you. www.InconvenienceYourself.org
“MASH” Final Episode February 28, 1983